a part of me is gone now

Before Tuesday, i had never had an IV in my arm. Before Tuesday, i had never had a CT scan or an EKG test. And most importantly, i had never had surgery before Tuesday, October 9th, 2007.

Going into to the emergency room with a pain in my right abdomen, i knew there was a chance it was appendicitis, but i didn't think it was likely. After almost 8 hours of waiting and tests, when they finally told me that it was in fact appendicitis, i didn't know whether to be scared or relieved it wasn't something worse. I know now it was an hour, but it felt like minutes from the time they told me to when i went into surgery. When they put the oxygen mask onto my face in the operating room, i felt like i was in a dream. Right after that they said they were giving me something and i'd go to sleep. I didn't believe them, but i was out of it almost instantly. I don't remember dreaming, but i do remember waking up. I was in a recovery room. I couldn't see well without my glasses, but i could make out a nurses station and other hospital beds far away. I remember feeling pain and saying "ow" repeatedly until someone came in and gave me some pain medicine. I asked them where my glasses were and they thought they were left in the operating room. I was scared for a minute that they were lost, but then i quickly got over that fear.
It felt like i was there for only 10 minutes but i was told i was in there for over an hour. They apologized for moving me out of there so quickly because they ran out of room and had someone else coming in. I didn't mind, but they seemed very apologetic. I saw my mom in the hallway as they pushed me towards my room. I couldn't tell for sure, but she seemed worried. Looking back, i have no clue how i managed to move myself onto my new bed, but i did and this seemed to please those who brought me into the room.
A minute later my family and Eva came into the room. Dustin cracked some jokes as he usually does, and my mom and Eva made sure i was ok. It meant a lot to me that they all waited up to see me. I wish they would have stayed longer, but they were only there for about 10 minutes. It was probably due to it being after 1am and visiting hours were long over.
Prior to this, i had a mild fear of hospitals. Staying in one for a night helped me get over this fear (for the most part). Everyone who i encountered was very nice and made me feel very comfortable.
The next morning, Dr. Jordan came to see me. I missed the first few words he said to me, so i wonder if this was the doctor who operated on me. It very well might have been because he proceeded to tell me that i was very lucky. Apparently my appendix was very bad and probably would have burst in a couple of hours if it wasn't removed. Thinking about this scares me to no end. If i would have ignored the pain for longer than i did, it would have burst and i would have gotten an infection that could have led to my..... It's hard to type, but i could have died. To think that i was close to my possible death is very unsettling.

So now here i am, lying on my couch as i have been for the past 4 days. It seems like much longer than that, it feels like i have been here for weeks. I have watched a ridiculous amount of movies and haven't read nearly as much as i'd like to have. By the looks and feel of it, it'll probably be at least another week before i can go back to school so i have plenty of time to read .

This is also the first time in my life that i have been taking medication regularly. I have been taking 500MG tablets of generic loratabs every 4-6 hours. Going from taking not medication to several times a day taking a controlled substance is very weird. I am constantly drifting to sleep and have taken more naps than i ever have. I guess this is nice, but the loss of time is a little unnerving.